


You should have told me earlier

by Being_Lionhearted



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brian has kept a secret, Béjart Ballet, Dork Lovers Server Challenge, Dork Server Challenge, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, January 1997, M/M, Maylor - Freeform, Regret, Roger is hurt, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 10:45:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18467353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Being_Lionhearted/pseuds/Being_Lionhearted
Summary: It's the 17th January 1997 and the remaining members of Queen come together with Elton John to perform in memory of Freddie. Roger is sensing that this could very well be their last performance together. As he is fighting of the emotions of a time long past he discovers that Brian has been keeping a secret from him that makes him question their entire relationsship.





	You should have told me earlier

It had almost felt right. Almost as though it had just been another gig, on just another world tour, right before their break to write the next album, and promoting it on the next tour again. As Roger had closed his eyes, hitting the drums in the back, letting himself get carried away in the music, he had managed to make himself believe for a second that it was right, that everything was as it should be and had been for over two decades. But then Elton John’s voice echoed through the ballet, singing the next lines and Roger was slapped back into reality.

This wasn’t the Rainbow, this wasn’t Tokyo 1979, and this most certainly wasn’t Live Aid. It was the 17th. January 1997, and they were in Paris, promoting a ballet with Ellton as their guest singer.

The wave of melancholy and smell of missed opportunities, of years wasted and an unsure future that followed his realisation nearly threatened to drown Roger. He was hitting the drums harder, forcing himself to stay in the moment, to watch John on the bass, and Brian playing on his special, his curls waving as he moved.

Watching Brian had always calmed him, no matter how heated or emotional a moment on stage had gotten, and another well known feeling sneaking its way into his heart, right above where a certain name was written.

After their performance Roger had been staying backstage, not really interested in the ballet or too many people – the usual euphoria after a concert just didn’t came anymore. He believed it to be a temporary thing, something that would pass sooner or later, but a dark part of his brain told him that maybe it would never come back, that making music had been linked to the four of them playing together, to them being a family and that with loosing this he had not only lost one of his best friends, but also the faith in himself.  

He had missed his soulmate many times, but only a few times as hard as in that moment. All of the worst times of missing him had been during the last decade, as everything had seemed to be falling apart. He said his goodbye to John, not knowing that this would have been the last time they had performed together on stage, and made his way to one of the dressing rooms, making out Brian’s lean figure in the long corridor, who seemed to be talking to Elton. Roger wanted to approach them, but stopped as he heard his name.

“You have to tell Roger, Brian. You have to do it now, or it will be too late one day,” Elton whispered, his face turned toward the guitarist. “Don’t you realise it’s now or never? Things are changing, coming to an end. You can’t let this moment past again, as you have been doing for years, and live in misery about it. Destroying not only yourself but him as well. Keeping you both from happiness.”

“I can’t do it. Not now. How should I possibly tell him after all these years?” That was Brian answering, and a deep tone of regret was swaying in his voice. “Besides he is happy. He has everything he ever wanted, and I am willing to let him have that. I won’t ever stay in the way of his happiness, I could never forgive myself.”

“Telling me what?” Roger asked, interrupting them and stepping out of the shadows. Elton seemed to sigh in relief as he saw the drummer, but Brian’s eyes widened in fear, a sight that Roger hadn’t seen often on the guitarists face.

“Roger it’s nothing really,” Brian replied, awkwardly toying with the strings of his special, still in his hands.

“I’ll leave you guys to it”, Elton said, seemingly grabbing Brian’s shoulder in support and giving him one meaningful look, before leaving the scene. Roger took the opportunity to maneuver himself in front of his bandmate, eyes never leaving the other’s troubled face.

“What’s being played here?” he asked in a commanding voice. As Brian kept his mouth shut, he asked again, only louder this time, his heart beating fast in his chest. “What’s going on Brian?”

“It’s nothing,” the other replied, his eyes flickering around the corridor, making sure they were alone.

“I know I am not as smart as you, Dr May. But I am not totally dumb, and you’re not gonna get away with whatever you’re doing here,” Roger’s voice seemed a bit of, and he tried to contain himself. “What was that about now or never? Moments past? I’m not going anywhere until you explain this to me. Or I could just follow Elton,” he threatened.

Brian starred at him, his eyes firmly fixed on the floor, breathing harsh and uneven. “I can’t tell you Rog, it could ruin… it would ruin absolutely everything.”

“Brian Harold May, you tell me right nor or I forget myself!” Roger hissed, his mind racing. Brian seemed to fight with himself for a moment, and as he looked up at the drummer he seemed to have lost a war that seemed to have been going on for years.

“Not here,” Brian said, his voice hoarse as he opened a door behind him, pulling them into an empty dressing room and locking the door behind him, before facing Roger, avoiding his eyes.

There was a moment of silence and the world seemed to stand still for both of them, as though the only people existing, the only people that mattered, were them together. It was a feeling that Roger knew, that he only ever had when he was alone with Brian.

As Roger opened his mouth to speak, Brian turned around and lowered his head, his long curls falling over his face. The drummer wanted to ask what was going on, but Brian seemed to know exactly what he was doing, his long fingers brushing his curls aside.

It looked as though he had down that many times and he knew exactly what he was doing. He seemed to have found what he had been searching for, holding his curls back to uncover a spot behind his right ear, above his hairline.

“Take a look.” Brian’s voice seemed muted underneath his curls and Roger stepped forward, being sure that he would die of a heart attack any second, as his heart seemed to outrun itself. He knew what he would discover on Brian’s skin already.            

Setting his eyes on the spot only proofed his apprehension right, as he discovered the name between the hair line there, that would be hidden underneath black curls under normal circumstances. Roger had never seen a soulmate name written so neatly in black ink, effectively fitting in the surroundings.

Roger’s heart and breath stopped for a second as he felt as though he had been stabbed in the stomach. He jumped away from Brian, feeling like he had been burned by the sight alone. He shook his head in disbelief, trying to find his voice. As the guitarist leaned up to his full height again and turned around Roger couldn’t keep back anymore.

“How could you have done this to me? How could you have done this to us?” he hissed, his voice full of anger and pain.

“Roger please…”Brian tried to interrupt, but was silenced as the drummer went on.

“You knew!” he shouted, his voice hoarse. “You knew all these years! You have seen me topless countless of times, you know I have your name written right above my heart.”

“I tried to protect you,” Brian answered quietly.

“Protecting me?” Roger shouted, his voice going head over heels. “You should have told me earlier! How could you have kept that from me, not giving me a chance to be with my soulmate, having to tell myself that me being in love with you was a stupid mistake of my heart, that you couldn’t be my Brain as you never said anything ? Do you know how nervous I was taking my shirt of in front of you guys for the first time, exposing my heart to you, only to get no response in return? Believing that I have been a fool pining for you for over a year back then?”

“Roger please I-“

“How do you think I felt believing my life was an ironic joke for having a Brian that close to me, who was one of the most important persons of my life – and that wasn’t mine?” Roger couldn’t keep himself from shouting in his rage, his hands clenched into fists at his side.      “How could you’ve ruined my life like that! Our life!”

“Please let me explain”, Brian said, and maybe it was the crack in the whisper that caused Roger to bite his lip to stop himself from shouting.

“I … god I … I knew it was you Roger, right when I met you. Seeing my name on your skin was only more proof but I…” he stopped, blinking a few times to stop himself from shedding tears.

“You tell me now,” Roger answered, his voice a deep hiss.

“I saw how happy you were. God Rog, you seemed to enjoy yourself so much, you seemed happy with the girls you got. I didn’t want to ruin anything for you. Do you know how I felt when Fred was being exposed to the media. I didn’t want you having to hide anything, living less of a life because I could not give you any opportunities, not giving you children or marriage. I felt as though I …” he stopped again, his voice cracking.

“Tell me!” Roger growled, urging him forward, anger boiling his blood.

“I felt as though I didn’t deserve you. As though I … I wasn’t good enough!” A single tear was rolling over Brian’s cheek, but he was to fixed on the man in front of him to bother with brushing it away.

“I cannot believe you!” Roger exclaimed. He was up to Brian in mere seconds, standing on his tiptoes to press one finger against the other’s chest. “Do you really think I was being happy without my soulmate by my side? Do you think I would have turned you down just because you were a man? Ever since being able to read the name on my chest I had to come to terms with me having a male soulmate. What were you thinking deciding for yourself that you wouldn’t be good enough to me? I can decide for myself who I love, who is good enough for me, thank you very much.”

“I only wanted the best for you, even though it meant keeping the distance, keeping myself from being with you. I struggled so hard all these years but … we were having a good time the four of us, weren’t we?”

“Do you know how much opportunities you have taken from us? Over two decades together. We could have been sharing the time as lovers, performing as lovers together, touring as lovers together. And now that everything is falling apart, now that all that’s left is the two of us, you decide to just randomly tell me, because you decided to share such an important thing of our life with Elton John of all people?” Roger screamed, realising that he had never felt so many emotions at once, anger, hurt, frustration, regret and the worst feeling of mourning a time that had never had a chance to be.

“I only wanted the best for us,” Brian tried to explain, panic in his bright eyes.

“No,” Roger cut him off, shaking his head. “You decided what’s best for us, what’s best for me. You decided to feel bad for years cause it seemed more fitting to your brain than to accept a happiness that was right in from of you. You were selfish.”

Brian wanted to open his mouth, but Roger was letting go of him. “Don’t you dare argue with me about your – about our happiness,” Roger spit, hand on the door of the dressing room already. His voice was full of regret as he spoke up before leaving the room: “You are a coward, Brian May.”

 

Brian couldn’t help but stare at the now empty space where Roger had been standing just seconds ago, regret and fear shaking his body. He had always expected such a response, but now he realised that it had only been caused by his decision to hide during the previous years. Now that he was alone, he allowed himself to let his tears fall, leaning against the door for support as they shook his body. He had not only lost his soulmate, but also his best friend.           

Elton had been right, times were changing, things were coming to an end. He had hoped for them to be eternal, for them to stay together as a band until they would die one day- as Freddie had put it once, fighting of rumors of them splitting up.

The emptiness in his stomach contained memories long gone and regret of never having said anything of what his heard desired. He realised how wrong he had been – it was as though only now he remembered how often Roger had smiled at him – and only him- during a performance, how Roger had cared for him, how they had been holding on to each other, especially during the tragic of the last years. 

He had given Roger no chance to react, had taken the decision away from him, and lost him like he had always feared he would.

It took him what felt like an hour to collect himself enough that he was able to trust his legs again, wanting nothing more than too escape the ballet, to escape everything that reminded him of Roger and their past. He even left his special behind to get it packed up by one of the guys.

He didn’t even know how he had gotten back to the hotel, being a prisoner in his own mind again, as he fell on the bed. He buried his face in the soft pillow and felt as though he never wanted to participate in the world out there ever again. He had known that emotion many times during his life, but this time it was different.

Now there wasn’t even Roger, as his main reason to get, up left. He had just closed his eyes, trying to withstand the hopeless feeling in his heart, as he heard a strong knock on the door. Thinking it was just the room service, part of the crew or maybe even Elton, he kept on lying down, pretending not to be there and hoping the knocking would stop eventually.

However it did not, it only got louder and quicker. Groaning, Brian got up and made his way over to the door and opened it, ready to face whoever was disturbing him.

He hadn’t been ready however for the shock of being pressed against the nearest wall by Roger Taylor, who was kissing him as though his life depended on it.   Brian was lost in the kiss, trying to follow the other’s quick pace. He had imagined his entire life how it would feel like to kiss his soulmate, and had never been able to look at Roger’s lip without picturing how smooth they would be underneath his.

It felt right, as though he should have never done anything besides this in his life. The dark feeling that had clouded his mind prior were gone, and for the first time in his life Brian felt as though he really belonged, as though he had found his place in the world.

Roger let go of him, nibbling on his bottom lip for good measure, smirking up at him from behind long lashes. He looked extremely young like this, but maybe it was just Brian’s sentimental brain messing with him again and picturing them in their twenties. However, Roger in front of him and the tingle still on his lips was very much real.

“Roger why…” he wanted to ask, but Roger stopped him with a finger against his mouth.

“No, now it’s my time to do what I want to,” he replied teasingly. “We’re going to do it my way. And I won’t waste any more time for us.”

“You … you’re not mad at me anymore?” Brian asked, even though he could see the love in Roger’s eyes as he asked the question.

“You have been the biggest idiot the world has ever seen Brian May. And we can’t bloody change the fact that I never had the chance to shag you when I was still more flexible”, the anger had left Roger’s voice and been replaced by his usual playful tone. “But right now I want nothing more than to finally be by your side. I love you, Brian May, and I have always loved you.”

Brian couldn’t help the shaken laughter that ripped through him in relief. “I love you too, Roger,” he replied, and before he knew it, Roger had thrown the door shut with a kick, and had pressed their foreheads together.

We still have time, Brian thought, as he took Roger’s hand in his and placed the other above Roger’s heart, where he knew his name was written.

Only the good die young, he thought, but we’re going strong.

Maybe it was fate that Queen had started, and would end, with the two of them together after all.

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first ever Maylor and Queen fic, so please be kind ^^
> 
> I loved participating in the challenge !


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